If you care about your image, dying should scare you to death. For years, the final moment of our lives has been glorified as some serene, almost beautiful process: we die peacefully then cut-scene and bam—tux, flowers, funeral. Nothing in-between.

The first thing he did was ask me on a date. It was in the bitter cold of a California winter, and the mall was decorated with all kinds of winter festivities. I could hear the sounds of steel blades scratching the ice behind me as little children attempted to push their feet forward on the foreign temporary terrain.

Have you ever thought that you could do more? Do you enjoy exercising control over others? Then why not consider becoming a dictator? It may seem an unusual career choice, but it can offer great rewards to those who are successful. You can even start on the journey today by following these simple steps.

“They” say don’t eat inflammatory foods so as to avoid bad health and death. You do need to pick your theys as carefully as your friends, though. All kinds of online they food dictators are popping up in numbers greater than the actual population. Still, so many warn about inflammatory foods, that maybe we really should pay attention.

As I imagine you know, there’s a protocol for getting into an elevator.