Welcome, welcome, to the April 2015 issue of Defenestration, marking our 12th volume in this ridiculously long-running magazine of ridiculousness!

I’m not going to write a particularly long editorial this month because my computer is on its deathbed and doesn’t like to run for more than 20 minutes at a time before freezing up or crashing. You can’t trust technology, but you also can’t live without it. Or you at least can’t convince yourself that you can’t live without it. There’s a powerful message hidden in there, but I’m too lazy to find it. I’ll just be content with rushing through this editorial before the computer explodes. Can I write two more paragraphs? Read on and find out!

Every knightly order has their little quirks, and Her Majesty’s Royal Order of the Beard is no exception. Aside from moral fortitude and all that boring stuff, knights of the order are required to have a full and luxurious beard–one free of the crumbs of iniquity or the tangles of untruth. Winslow, truly, is not worthy.

Even Ben, apparently, has a violent streak.

I had this same issue when I was a kid. I would draw maybe three lines, decide I didn’t like where it was going, and then push the drawing aside. I didn’t erase. I didn’t flip the page over. As far as I was concerned, the drawing was dead to me, and I laid it to rest with the corpses of its underused fellows.

This one’s courtesy of my 6-year-old son, who refers to sesame seeds as hamburger seeds.