SCRIBES OF THE WORLD CONTEST
ROUND ONE COMMENTS “Lunch of Champions” by User4901

Piscespoet1969
5.8.16 2:49pm
I found a few places where there were lots of unnecessary words. I think a lot of words need to be cut, only leaving the words that move your story along. You have the makings of a good story, just revise so there are fewer words. Hope I’ve helped!

Since the dawn of man, we’ve passionately debated which alternative energy source is best. On and on it goes, boring as hell. Always leading back to one place. Sitting Indian style in a semi-circle asking ourselves, once we’ve blown through all the oil, what’s the best way to make more oil?

Dear Sir or Madam or most likely a disintegrating heap of bleached bones,

The editorial board of the Libri Paginarum Minimarum Herculanei thank you for the opportunity to review your submission, but regret to inform you that we cannot include your piece, “Ten Reasons Emperor Titus Will Be Nothing Like His Father (Titus Will Definitely Crucify Me for Number Eight),” in Volume XVIII of our publication, which, incidentally, no longer exists and has not existed for some twenty centuries.

THE LEGAL AGREEMENTS SET OUT BELOW GOVERN YOUR USE OF THIS STORY. PLEASE READ THEM CAREFULLY.

For the Ethically Minded Agoraphobe: an app which shows you the species of monkey that your current anxiety medication was tested on, and what happened to each of those monkeys and how they are doing now, and when they are going to be allowed to go back to the forest—with before and after pictures.