An early homo sapien sapiens skeleton was found in a cave in Luxembourg clutching a small rectangular device with a smooth dark screen. It was wrapped, quite literally, in the skin of an otter.

An ancient Egyptian mummified in one of the more modest pyramids was dissected by the British Museum in 1924. The mummy had a tattoo of a butterfly on her lower back.

Congratulations on your new job with the Carter Pool Cleaning Company. We take pride in two things here at Carter: extraordinarily clean pools and no sex with our customers. This is a guarantee and it’s one we take very seriously. It’s what differentiates us from our competitors.

Oregon State Penitentiary, Salem.

This place is showing its age. I know they moved it from Portland in 1866, but seriously…the concrete walls are under 15 ft. high. Both sad and ridiculous. On the plus side, it didn’t take as long to get served as when I went to Social Cube in downtown Portland. The bartender there totally ignored me. Of course, that’s part of how I ended up here. Three stars.

We are SEVERE, the first high-end alternative digital magazine platform of its kind to launch this year. As a visual, shift shaping digital literary performance space, we exist on the boundaries of the big, the obvious, the flashier brick. We occupy the outskirts, but we would never wear actual skirts.

Everyone dreams of having a movie star body, but looking like Brad Pitt or Kevin James takes hard work and dedication. I can get you there. My name is Dr. Crash Carter and this is my Crash Course in fitness. I am a certified personal trainer, I have 4% body fat, and I haven’t even smelled a cheeseburger in thirteen years. In my Crash Course you will learn how to live a healthy lifestyle, have the body you’ve always wanted, and finally defeat Shao Khan in Mortal Kombat II. Be warned, complete transformations do not occur overnight. It may take two, even three days before you reach your goals, so be ready for the long haul.