Dear Mr. Queem: Although your story, A Hamster’s Heartbreak, does not meet our needs at this time, we thank you for submitting it, and we wish you the very best of luck placing it elsewhere. Sincerely, Editor Backbiter Press * * * dear editor you have to publish my story. hamster huey has cancer and

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George Lucas: Attention everyone. My name is George Lucas, and as president of the National Association of Directors Who Ruin Childhood Memories, I would like to welcome you to our 2009 Mid-Year meeting. As you know, our mission is to identify beloved childhood memories, distort them, and then force an unsuspecting public to watch them.

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Welcome to the September 2009 (holy crap, September already?) issue of Defenestration! Big plans in the works. Big plans. The giant gears of change are turning, and things are happening. After our December issue this year… well, I’ll wait until later to fill you in. It’s going to be great, and I’m really excited, and

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It’s A Lifestyle A dear friend was missing two Netflix movies, she looked everywhere on the computer table the television stand bookshelves cutting table, sorted through stacks of books magazines papers fabric, finally gave up in despair, wondering what the replacement cost would be, she told me all about it at lunch, later that day

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I go to therapy wearing my green and white military tank top that says: “my bush would make a better president.” My therapist sits in a modest desk chair and I slide into a black leather recliner. It’s a nouveau version of the therapy couch. Sweat gathers behind my knees, itching and sticking against the

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