Dear FedEx Field Parking Attendant (or whatever nonsensical title they made up to make you feel good about yourself): On October 17th, a group of friends and I headed down to FedEx Field before the Redskins/Colts game to partake in a little tailgating, as most attending football games do. We arrived fairly early, and proceeded

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Quention Sadguy is the kind of character that almost demands something cruel to happen to him. And so we have this scenario, reminiscent of A Fish Called Wanda. Personally, I love how nonchalant Winslow can be about… well, everything.

7:15 Wake up refreshed and exuberant, ready to make sweet love to the promising day laid out like a beautiful woman before you. Know that you are gong to earn a pauper’s fortune by persuading ambrosial, flirty, delicate birds to eat out of your hands while allowing tourists to take pictures. You were born for this shit!

This robot wasn’t just filled with tiny clowns. It was powered by them.

Above my grandfather’s bed hangs a picture of his parents taken in Italy just before they came to America. My great-grandfather is wearing his cavalry uniform and my great-grandmother stands beside him. She’s a large woman. Not round—square. No, cubed. Four feet by four feet by four feet. On Christmas Eve, my grandfather and his eight siblings would wrestle for her stockings because they figured Santa had an obligation to just keep filling until the thing was topped off, no matter how deep.