This is what happens when Winslow is allowed to be Dungeon Master.
The party here consists of Laura (a valkyrie), Apsara the Attention Whore (a barbarian), Kurt the Cynic (a necromancer), Ben (a warrior with kickass sideburns), and Psychic Rob (who is not, in fact, a psionic and is instead a humble archer).
R. Carey, D.D.S.: Thanks for sitting down with me briefly to talk about your accomplishments. I want you to know that, if at any point during our talk, I seem aggressive or pressing, I’m just playing devil’s advocate.
G. Clark, D.D.S.: Fair enough. But I’d like you to know that the following topics are completely off limits—
RC: Actually, if you don’t mind, I prefer not to know in advance. I’m skilled at reading nonverbal cues as a means of discerning proximity to taboo subjects. An important part of genuine interview is being able to play this psychological game of verbal mine-sweeper.
Every gaming night, Ben, Kurt the Cynic, Apsara the Attention Whore, and Psychic Rob head over to Laura’s house to play RPG for Cool Dudes, one of the greatest role playing games of the late 90s. They eat junk food, talk about bad movies, and raid the dungeons of the dreaded Dark Viscount for gold, magical artifacts, and exotic weapons. And tonight, they’re doing all of that again. But with Winslow in the mix.
Since my days as a teacher in South Korea, I have been intrigued by ESL (English as a Second Language) instruction. After receiving further certification in the area, it occurred to me that there was one important sector of life which English had failed to conquer: birds.
Coming from the “Land of the Freakishly Tall”, I understand the fascination that you vertically challenged folks have with our height. You stare at us in awe as if our size was gifted to us by the Gods themselves, making us preordained to lead humanity into a Golden Age of Prosperity, and that is too much pressure. I just want to lounge around eating various cheese and meat products straight from a can like any other normal person. I’m well aware of how amazing you short folks think we are, really I do, and I’m certain you’d like nothing better than to be our sidekick, which is why I’m gonna give you a few pointers as to how to get into our good graces or, at the very least, keeping us from grinding your bones to make our bread.