There’s been a virus going around, folks. Not the one you’re thinking about; this one turns your belongings into fighting robots. Known as the “Cybertronic Flu,” the disease has mainly been centered on Ben and Winslow’s house. So maybe “going around” isn’t an accurate statement.

Hello everyone,

You’ve all voiced concerns about my new girlfriend, Jules. While I appreciate your desire to insinuate yourselves into my personal business, I can assure you that Jules is amazing.

I’ll admit, I didn’t know she was a cannibal at first. She doesn’t like to use that word because of how society has stigmatized it. Her profile said she was an anthropophagist, which I thought meant she was a professor or something. We both had a good laugh about that.

I don’t really have a joke today, but I had some room underneath last week’s comic and I decided to draw Winslow in a really weird way.

As a certified grocery bagger at the local Freddy’s Foods, it is my Assistant Manager given right to discuss, with each customer, the items that they have purchased as I bag for them. I would also add that I can do so as loudly as needed to ensure that the customer is satisfied. I refuse to remain quiet and let the cashier dominate the conversation, to where I’m only allowed to ask, “Paper or plastic?” 

I’m bored, everyone. I’m really, really bored. I wish I had a label maker.