Pro: They look pretty from certain angles.
Con: No one can agree on which angles.

Pro: Every continent has at least one, often two.
Con: Their roads are too windy.

Pro: They tell rivers which way to run.
Con: Rivers could be told just as well with proper signage.

Pro: They’re made of rock, which is abundant on this funky planet, and no one is quite sure what to do with it.
Con: You can’t eat them. Did no one consider almond butter and raspberry jam?

Pro: They are known for providing views of interesting places.
Con: We have Instagram for that.

Pro: They provide homes for mountain hares, mountain goats, mountain lions and mountain gorillas.
Con: But not jellyfish, sharks or sea turtles. Sea shanties are also out of place there.

Pro: They have the best downhill skiing.
Con: How does that compare to pickleball?

Pro: They have made molehills meaningful.
Con: Molehills are over-rated.

Pro: They are difficult to conquer – and bring bragging rights when you do.
Con: You can’t see through them.

Pro: You always know where you stand with them.
Con: They are difficult to move.

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Daniel Hudon is an unapologetic Canadian who spends his days educating a subset of the masses and his nights wondering why moonlight is so darn enchanting. He is the author of the comedic book, The Bluffer’s Guide to the Cosmos and the non-comedic Brief Eulogies for Lost Animals: An Extinction Reader, named a Must Read in the 2019 Mass Book Awards. He hangs out at danielhudon.com and @daniel_hudon.