Ping Pong Net Re-Stringer: Temp-to-Hire Contract Position—Seeking a self-starter with strong attention to detail and at least 5 years of experience in the ping pong, fishing, and/or shoestring industries to re-string ping pong nets in local tech company breakroom.

Like most people, Winslow thinks coin currency is outdated and totally uncool.

It was the biggest pack of hotdogs he’d ever seen. Unbelievable is what he thought at first. Denial of his sensory input. Following disbelief was disgust, followed again by denial. It couldn’t be, like a conundrum wrapped paradoxically in plastic.

I don’t really understand the significance of these numbers but Ben and Winslow assure me that they’re hilarious.

Hi, potential customer! Based on your previous purchase of our LightTouch voice-activated lighting control panel, we thought you might be interested in our new smart home security system, the PrivaSee Cam 3.0. You’ll sleep soundly at night knowing that at the first sign of a package thief, teenaged child sneaking in after curfew, or moth flying too close to the camera, the PrivaSee Cam 3.0 will blast a 110-decibel warning siren to scare off the intruder. Just look at this photo of a model smiling and looking well-rested in the general vicinity of our product. It’s merely a happy coincidence that the model looks like you, but more attractive.