Dedicated to every woman ever. Because let’s face it: a man wouldn’t last a day dealing with the kinds of things a woman has to put up with every minute of her life.

The hick of today is a stunning sophisticate compared to his counterpart of only one or two generations ago. Often flaunting an Ivy League education and a job in the public eye requiring diplomacy and social nuancing, today’s cracker, compared to yesterday’s in terms of sophistication, is as Rand Paul is to Harry Truman, or as Jeff Daniel is to Oliver Hardy, or as Miley Cyrus is to Minnie Pearl. You would never guess how many influential politicians, trend-setters and opinion-mongers are actually outlanders from benighted states like Ohio and Texas and Kentucky, but grown remarkably adept and refined.

I’m not a chef, or even a reasonably talented cook, but I AM an adult responsible for several small children, so it is inevitable that I have to prepare meals for my family. And because I know how to cook certain things better than other things, that means my family tends to eat from the same menu.

Dear potential employers,

My name is Chloe Keen and I am about to finish my master’s degree. I study women’s rights and human rights. I am ready to enter the work force and to change the world, because everyone in my life taught me that I can do just that. Sure, sometimes I am overwhelmed with the path that I have chosen, fighting for the rights of the oppressed and the ignored. Then I remember that I have no real marketable skills outside of my little depressing niche, so I better stick with it.