After living and working among dorks (geeks, nerds, whatever) for many years, I began to suspect that there were two main kinds: those that could function outside of dorkdom, and those that could not. I vainly thought that my friends and I were all the former. You know, dorks with jobs and girlfriends and interests outside of whatever the hell made us dorky in the first place.

Football (REAL football, not this soccer nonsense), a sport enjoyed by Americans the world over. A game where it’s not only allowed, but encouraged to knock the crap out of people much smaller than you. A sport that has a holiday dedicated to it, where the main course consists of various meats covered with various

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To the Admissions Board of Harvard University:

This letter of intent has been written to announce my intentions to receive a four-year scholarship as your starting quarterback. While I have had a few options in the academic market, none of the community colleges or online universities have the wealth of history (and history of wealth) that Harvard’s MBA program offers.

When I start to have a desire to gnaw my legs off, freeing the rest of my body from 9-5 enslavement, I know it’s lunch time! Trouble is, what to eat, and where can I go so that my boss and his daily planner can’t find me? My escape route combines cunning (staircases) and romance

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While Winslow’s personality makes it next to impossible for him to engage in romantic relationships, Kurt the Cynic has a more depressing problem. He has no trouble starting relationships, but he has an abysmal track record with maintaining them. It’s not his fault. He just attracts the wrong kinds of women.