Prose VI.XII
“Woman Reveals She Just Can’t Help Herself,” by Deborah Gottner
Of all crimes perpetrated against breakfast foods–ranging everywhere from bagels to pop tarts to omelets–in the United States, the most heinous has gained nationwide exposure only in the last two decades. This crime against breakfast food is all the more profound because it targets the most innocuous victim: cereal. Before exploring examples of the terrible [...]
“The Will to Live,” by Pavelle Wesser
Doctor Will stared into the darkness beyond his office window. It was two o’clock in the morning but he just had to call her. He snatched up the receiver and dialed, waiting several rings before she picked up. “Gladys,” he said, “we need to talk.” “At two o’clock in the morning?” “I’m leaving Agnes for [...]
“I Was a Teenage Felon, etc.” by CJ Hallman
On Wednesdays, Agnes was in charge of the kitchen. She had voodoo hands and could whip up this potato salad that Marcus joked was like sucking the fungus off God’s toes. She made damn fine food, but only on Wednesday, because every other day of the week Agnes worked under Jason, her supervisor, who was [...]
“Submission Guidelines for Granite Tracings, A Literary Journal Edited by Moses,” by Lydia Fazio Theys
Granite Tracings is a small, stone-based literary magazine. Our mission: Exploration of the linguistic and epistemological concept of the commandment and how it relates to modern life.Our submission guidelines are simple, but ignore them at your peril. We’re well connected in the wrath department! 1. Your submission must be in the form of a commandment. [...]
“We Wish You the Very Best of Luck,” by Leland Thoburn
Dear Mr. Queem: Although your story, A Hamster’s Heartbreak, does not meet our needs at this time, we thank you for submitting it, and we wish you the very best of luck placing it elsewhere. Sincerely, Editor Backbiter Press * * * dear editor you have to publish my story. hamster huey has cancer and [...]
“Excerpts from the 2009 Mid-Year Meeting of the National Association of Directors Who Ruin Childhood Memories,” by John Frank Weaver
George Lucas: Attention everyone. My name is George Lucas, and as president of the National Association of Directors Who Ruin Childhood Memories, I would like to welcome you to our 2009 Mid-Year meeting. As you know, our mission is to identify beloved childhood memories, distort them, and then force an unsuspecting public to watch them. [...]
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