Defenestration: May 2009

Welcome to the May 2009 issue of Defenestration!
I was hoping to write something clever this month, but I’m fresh out of clever. I checked the back of the pantry and everything. Nothing there.
So next month is technically summer, and I’m hoping (hoping!) that we can get the first fantasy-themed issue prepared by then. We’re still [...]

“Bathroom Bliss,” by Paul Giles

Bachelor Bisazza should not spend a penny on fixing
his Disturbed Mother with grisly treatments: just
one $500 Freedom voucher would clean her up for days.
Look how she whips this poor boy of hers up to
a level of apathy so bad he is committed. His mother
is the first step to happiness in a world gone bad with
Satan’s [...]

“Cousin Paul and Mr. T,” by Joelle Renstrom

Cousin Paul has his spleen out. He gets transfusions as often as I get pistachio milkshakes. Every Christmas, he comes poorer and sicker and angrier. The rivers of veins swell close to the surface, especially near his right temple. His nostrils are permanently flared. I don’t know if these are symptoms. Every Christmas he’s a [...]

Two Poems by Michael Estabrook

“I love football, fuck you.”

“I love football, fuck you,” my wife barks
at me simply for making a humorous,
although disparaging, remark
about her silly Patriots Football Team.
Beginning to wonder if perhaps her focus,
allegiance, and obvious attraction
to these youthful macho hunks
is something I should be concerned about.
.
Way back in high school
I worried about the quarterback
stealing her away [...]

“Old Bird,” by Stephen Jarrell Williams

Time for me to fly
from your gargantuan claws

nest heavy
in your squat

tits like mountaintops
sagging from overuse

wrinkled neck rings
numbering your years

once a beauty
displaying to the gods

naked dance
lines into the woods

now… you’re just shit-faced
featherless and bald.

————-
Stephen Jarrell Williams was born in Virginia, his parents native Texans, and has lived most of his life in California. He has done [...]

“You Are Finding Love,” by Michael Minassian

As Mr. James walked into the airport terminal after passing through Colombian customs, he spotted a hastily scrawled cardboard sign with the words: Marrying Wifes.
The sign was being held by a thin man wearing a chauffeur’s uniform and a New York City policeman’s cap.
Mr. James edged crabwise, dragging his [...]

“How Timmy Rhineblatt Got His Name on the New Student Fun-Center” or “Why You Shouldn’t Use Used Flux Capacitators,” by Tom Johns

“Um, Professor Defrancesco, I don’t think the flux capacitator is on right?”
“It’s fine son, it’s just fine, now go on with your symposium presentation!”
“Um…OK…um, Professor Defrancesco, is it supposed to be that color?
“That’s perfectly natural, son–”
Ten minutes later, after Jenny Blotnick is rushed to the hospital with a flux capacitator lodged in her eye…
“Now boys [...]

“Cookin’ MCs Like a Pound of Bacon,” by Jeff Kass

Motherfuckers gotta represent.
Yeah, I’m White, so what? White like a piece of Xerox paper dunked in a barrel of bleach. I’m White like vanilla ice cream if you take the flavoring out. I mean, there’s not even any vanilla in my shit, fake or natural. I’m just pure no-color fucked-up White. I’m so White what [...]

“Amahl and the Night Rider,” by Jenny Piersol

When people ask me where I live, I tell them that I’m a professional nomad.   It’s not so far from the truth.   Such is the life of a non-equity actress, hopping from actors’ housing in Clarksville, TN to rented beach houses in Ocean City, NJ, for the sake of the stage.   I’ve never minded the [...]

“Transcript of a Moderated Discussion on the Relative Success of Competing Explanations of the Origins of Humankind, Between Gideon and Darwin, Circa 2009,” by Murray Brozinsky

Moderator: Ladies and Gentlemen, Christians, Muslims, Jews, Atheists, Agnostics, Fanatics, and members of the Kansas Board of Education, we have a rare treat for you this evening. {Jeers from the audience}
Since the presidential candidates declined an invitation to participate in debate, invoking the confidentiality of Skull and Bones, we had to scramble to fill the [...]