If you are like me, you are a balding, fairly awesome-without-bragging-about-it dad, who must, at times, make the bathroom your friend. I don’t have to tell you that privacy is as rare as feeling energized by parenthood. I’ve literally had meals in there. Three courses. And more than once on a given day. And even so, they are on to me. They know my secrets. And they are not amused. 

So, you’re five years into this online dating thing and still can’t figure out the algorithm, eh? Tired of being left on read or worse, attracting women who just want sex? Sir, you deserve better. And Online Dating Using Sports Analogies for Dummies is the perfect guide to getting a “W” and beautiful trophy your nana will love. So, grab your flavored electrolytes, and open your book to Chapter 1. 

One day machines will take over the world. Or so I’ve been hearing ever since I was a child. This myth has been circulated for so long that there are those who have actually come to believe it. It’s ridiculous, really, how easily some people are hoodwinked.

I played in a D&D campaign, once, as a teen. It didn’t go well. Dungeons and Dragons? It was mainly drinks and drugs. I don’t think we made it to any dungeons and I’m certain there was never a dragon.

Dear Mother-in-law,

How many times can you hoover your flat? Turns out, I can do it every single day. I see my dark hair on the beige carpet and it fills me with anxiety. Hair, anywhere other than on my head has always been a source of revulsion. Now that I’m married to an English man, who is perhaps more used to spotting light hair on the floor, the couch or the carpet, I have to be extra careful.