Posts Tagged ‘ encyclopedia douchebag…ica ’

Your Mom Thinks I’m Great

May 21st, 2012 | By

Many of us like to believe that we’re simply better at some aspects of life than other people. Perhaps you’re a chess whiz, can easily spot the difference between real and fake hair (I minored in it), or know how to dispose of a dead body. All of us are a little better at some

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Apr 23rd, 2012 | By

Recently I celebrated the 29th anniversary of my birth, and my mother took it upon herself to to embarrass me at work. So, the day before my birthday, a family friend/co-worker wheels a giant SpongeBob cake back to my cube and proceeds to sing “Happy Birthday” loudly and off-key (bless her heart). Clearly, my mother

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Mar 20th, 2012 | By

All of us wish to, in some way shape, or form, differentiate ourselves from the other common rabble out there. We develop our own unique style, from the clothes we wear, to the unnecessary tattoos of Looney Tune characters or car company decals that are strategically placed in inappropriate areas. We spent so much of

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Do I Look Like Dr. Phil?

Feb 21st, 2012 | By

I understand that in order to exist in a society of laws and other such nonsense, that I’m not allowed to flat out smack people I don’t feel like dealing with, an inconvenience I just have to live up to. What I will not accept is having to engage in idle chit-chat because people find

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You Stink–In A Good Way

Jan 24th, 2012 | By

Encoded deep within our DNA is the desire to have our genitals meet with those of another that ends in either joy or disappointment. Because of that desire, we tend to put ourselves on display, however, our attempts at mimicking mating rituals in the wild kingdom come off as forced and desperate. We wear bright

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