Prose

“The Diary of Darrin Stevens,” by Jay Morris

Jan 20th, 2010 | By

Dear Uncle Jay: My friend Irwin says that the TV series Bewitched was not a fiction-based situation comedy capitalizing on that era’s “magical” trend, but a documentary series detailing the tortured true-life existence of a man trapped in marriage to a sorceress. Irwin has “episodes,” if you know what I mean, but he seems sincere

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“What Have You Become?: The Do It Yourself Quiz that Maybe if Your Hippie Parents Had Taken (Seriously) You Wouldn’t Have To,” by Amy York Rubin

Jan 13th, 2010 | By

The only thing that used to make you angrier than that jerk who sautéed her chicken in the vegan wok were when pronouns straddled a slash with the “he” unapologetically maintaining the primary position throughout an entire essay. But then you failed to internalize Cornell West. Cornell West started showing up on Bill Maher. And

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How to Get More Vacation Time (Fired)

Jan 11th, 2010 | By

While working for my corporate overlords, it hasn’t escaped my attention that a huge complaint from co-workers seems to be the lack of available time off. After pondering this for about a few seconds, I started thinking, which I generally reserve for special holidays like Kwanzaa, but I digress. Therefore, I’ve used all of my

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“Seven(ish) Techniques for Unforgettable Characters,” by L. Gilbert Heedyn

Jan 6th, 2010 | By

As part of my writing self-help series, “Great writing while sedated,” today I will discuss seven-ish techniques for crafting unforgettable characters. 1. Name names Your character must have a name. As a writer you will find it really helps giving your character a name as a way to distinguish them from other characters (note: you

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“Twelve Tips to Avoid Depression While Living at the Space Station,” by Daniel Hudon

Nov 20th, 2009 | By

Consider your situation. All your friends are at least three hundred miles away and none of them have a rocket ship with which to visit you. The post hasn’t delivered the mail in two months. Every time you meditate, you start levitating, a false goal your guru told you not to pursue. You have forgotten the smell of freshly cut grass. Despite the short tether, you have developed a debilitating fear of getting lost in space and refuse to do any more spacewalks. The toy sharks that used to float menacingly about the station have disappeared. Domino’sTM won’t deliver. You long to play a game of billiards.