Missing socks are a fact of life in my house, and when I’m not blaming cats or faeries or the tiny 18th century Spaniard that lives in my foyer closet, I suspect many of the socks sneak off in the dead of night to have torrid affairs with one another. This also explains the amount of baby socks I find around the house that I can’t recall either of my children ever wearing. This is sock biology at its finest.

Leave the Dead to bury their own dead. For they have not the money to afford a resplendent funeral.

If anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn and get your handgun. If this culminates in you inflicting a mortal wound, you will be innocent in the eyes of God and in the eyes of the law. I mean, who are they going to believe, a gentile deadbeat, or you, a fine, upstanding businessman who was acting purely in self defense?

OMGFU guyz!!! NaNoWriMo just ended!!!

For all of you LOSERS who don’t know what NaNoWriMo is, it’s this awesome project that likes to capitalize words instead of just using a simple acronym. Also, it’s KOOL BRAS!!!

So, the object of the project it so write 50,000 words of a new novel in one month. This has been going on FOREVER, like, since 1999. OMG it’s almost as old as Harry Potter!!! Or me. YEAH!!!

Not only is he thugged out, he’s thugged out 80s style! Word.

Tightwad appreciates your help in keeping us out of bankruptcy by paying extra to sit in an aisle seat or to actually travel with luggage. While waiting to board your flight today, please look at this menu of choices we’ve added to fine-tune your flying experience. Select from the following options and return your completed form to the gate agent. The resulting fees will be charged to your credit card.