The world is infested with clowns, so it shouldn’t surprise anyone that there are clown lawyers running around.

“Important section” surrounded by little hearts and stars.

Approximate time to discovery: Never.
Chance of termination upon discovery: High

Not enough people have maple syrup fountains incorporated into their tombstones. This troubles me. I think about it a lot.

Breathe. You’ve been jolted. Your heart palpitations and sudden flashbacks to the worst six years of your life are perfectly appropriate responses. After all, you’ve just received a class reunion invitation from a peer whose personality rivaled that of the clown called ‘It.’

Step away from the e-vite. Whether or not this is the first recorded attempt at an elementary school reunion since the founding of the Boston Latin School is irrelevant.

Summer has come and gone. Vacations have ended, and schools are gearing up for another year of drudgery. Pools are being filled with dogs, then drained of water (and dogs). Birds are flying back to wherever the heck they normally fly to. Fireflies, too. Also aliens. These are sad, depressing times. But at least we have a new issue of Defenestration to keep us company in the weeks ahead.