The wife of a goat is a goatee, a bearded lady in the circus, three bristly hairs on her chinny chin chin, trimmed and smoothed into a lively point, making the point that hair defines gender, sort of.

Dear Abby,

What should I do when a slightly more obnoxious version of myself from a nearly identical universe finds a portal through his refrigerator into my universe, shows up totally unannounced, criticizes my taste in music and literature, and then eats all my chocolate covered pretzels?

So today’s comic is all about ninjas, but I don’t know whether Winslow, Kurt, and Reya have gone back in time to feudal Japan or if they’re sneaking around a modern Japanese castle or what. Does it matter? No.

Pssst… if you want a good deal on arms, I can get you in touch with Winslow. He’s got all sorts of arms for sale. Small arms. Large arms. Wobbly arms? Yes, even wobbly arms.

Please accept this letter as a formal notification that I am resigning from my position as a telesales operator with FDE Energy. I understand it is normal practice for staff to work a period of notice. However, as I am still waiting for two weeks’ worth of wages from overtime I don’t think that transition period is necessary so I will not be coming into work anymore. I packed all my belongings on Saturday when I was forced to work yet again, so my return is no longer necessary.