Don’t be fooled by low-grade substitutes from feedlot urine mills. Feel the difference pure LlamaLift capsules can make.
You demand peak performance in every area of your life. Your camelid nutraceuticals should meet those same high standards.
And now they can, with LlamaLift, the only llama urine supplement sourced directly from the Bolivian Andes Altiplano Plateau where, for centuries, llamas have had free-range access to high-altitude festuca orthophylla grass, legendary for its unusually dense concentration of omega-3 and omega-9 fatty acids: nature’s cognitive reset, renal repair and triglyceride reduction superstars.
Urine supplements sourced from llamas confined in low-altitude feedlot farms are, of course, less expensive, but far less potent, and often diluted with cheap vicuna urine containing toxic ergot alkaloids transmitted from bioengineered hay that these urine mills buy in bulk from Indonesian fescue cartels.
Our urine is pure, unfiltered, and carried fresh by indigenous free-climbers down an ancient Tiwanaku trail to our sustainable way station, where it is carefully bottled in small batches and transported to our cooling and capsulization facility near the famed archeological site of Machu Picchu in southern Peru, ready for express shipping anywhere in the world.
Less than 48 hours from bladder to bottle to capsule, and less than 24 hours to your door. That’s the LlamaLift difference.
And it’s a difference you’ll see and feel the very first day.
As soon as your optic nerves perceive that you’re drizzling two capsules over your morning smoothie, they will immediately alert your gustatory cortex to brace for an explosive new taste sensation.
At the same time, the olfactory stimulation from the aromatic molecule release will dissipate “brain fog” instantly and help you maintain that clarity throughout your morning routine.
Best of all, LlamaLift urine acts as a natural appetite suppressant as shape-shifting as any GLP-1 weight loss drug. Our customers can’t stop raving about the total revulsion to food that can last up to three days, triggering cell-cleansing autophagy, the mitochondrial “spit shine” usually reserved for elite endurance athletes, religious mystics, and runway fashion models.
Like our metabolic maximizers—SuperSherpa energy drinks and CamelCure “one-and-dung” gummies—LlamaLift is an organic biodynamic eco-friendly gluten-free gender-neutral supplement that is redefining artisanal nutrition.
If you’re serious about optimum fitness, stop piddling around with low-grade urine supplements. Give yourself the LlamaLift your mind and body deserve.
No gimmicks. No “special introductory offers.” No phony videos with Asian actors staring into microscopes. Just the world’s best llama urine at the best possible price.
That’s the NutraScam promise to every supplement supporter we serve.
NutraScam
Live long and we’ll prosper!
————
Robert Philen is an advertising creative director based in Los Angeles. He’s the author of Harper&Row/Lippincott’s You CAN Run Away From It!, a satirical indictment of American pop psychology. Robert was inspired to write for Defenestration after recalling chapter 20, verses 7 through 12 of Acts of the Apostles, which featured his favorite New Testament “regular guy,” Eutychus.