“Shopping List for Next-to-Best-Friend’s Weekend Visit,” by Amy Marques

Feb 15th, 2023 | By | Category: Fake Nonfiction, Prose

Shopper: You

Note to shopper: No substitutions, no variations, no off-brand, no surprises.

Next-to-Best-Friend’s Email:

No list! I’m not picky. I’m happy to adjust to you!

Looking forward to hanging out this weekend!

Luv ya!

Email Footnotes:

  1. Just remember that I’ll definitely ask where the fish came from. Wild, I presume.
  2. I don’t eat anything fried. Unless it’s fries lifted from someone else’s plate.
  3. I’ll assume your soap was handmade. I’ll ask if the local artisan refills glass bottles.
  4. There should be nut spread in the pantry, despite the calories. Not peanut butter.
  5. I like my grapes room temperature and my oranges refrigerated.
  6. I will check your bathroom cabinets and note if your shampoo is contained in plastic.
  7. Bean sprouts are acceptable. Broccoli sprouts are an abomination.
  8. I assume you’re composting. Of course you are. Everyone is.
  9. Please don’t use dryer sheet softener for linen. I’ll have hives. I will know.


Amy Marques grew up between languages and cultures and learned, from an early age, the multiplicity of narratives. She penned three children’s books, barely read medical papers, and numerous letters before turning to short fiction and visual poetry. She is a Pushcart and Best of the Net nominee and has work published or forthcoming in journals including Streetcake Magazine, MoonPark Review, Jellyfish Review, Gone Lawn, and Bending Genres. You can read more of her words at https://amybookwhisperer.wordpress.com.

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