“Cookie Monster Guest Edits the New York Times’ ‘What to Cook This Week’ Newsletter,” by Miriam Jayaratna

Jan 11th, 2023 | By | Category: Fake Nonfiction, Prose

Good morning! Me Cookie Monster. Sam Sifton and Melissa Clark both on vacation, so me here to help you plan out week of cookie – oops, cooking. 

Me grateful to NYT Cooking for valuing diversity of perspectives. It have recipe collections for sad people on special diet, like gluten-free, low fat, and potato salad. But Times also platform for connoisseurs like Cookie Monster, who think cookie is foundation of food pyramid. Me personally believe pyramid should be shaped like cookie, but me will save this argument for me op-ed column.

Anyway, me had really great weekend. Me ate entire tray of cookies that look like abstract art and attended panel to judge yummiest gingerbread solution for housing crisis. Me love devouring local culture.

Now me sense final moments of weekend approaching like precious last bites of gooey Levain cookie. 

If you feel like this too, spend today gathering ingredients and make sure you have good stand mixer (me friends at Wirecutter recommend some for you if you very, very rich). Me wish Wirecutter staff would choose best cookie, but maybe they no bother since answer obvious: chocolate chip.

Onto rest of week…


Hopefully you feeling nice and restored from eating cookies on couch and watching Dragon House show on Sunday night. So why you no try using extra energy to make Giant Crinkled Chocolate Chip Cookies by Sarah Kieffer? Me had so much fun making these. To get crinkle in cookie me smash cookie sheet on top of stove while screaming, “COOOOOKIE!” 


If you like me, you craving something different for Tuesday. Me going to try Toll House Chocolate Chip Cookies, which no have crinkle. Biggest challenge of recipe is waiting for raw cookie dough to freeze before baking. 

Ok, maybe me just have little taste…COOKIE DOUGH!  DELICIOUS!!! OM NOM NOM NOM NOM!!!!!!!

Uh-oh. Dough for cookies all gone now. If you bake these, leave comment and tell Cookie Monster how it turned out. Otherwise me may never know.


So far we attempt to make chocolate chip cookie every day this week. But probably, like me, you have family who no have same discerning palate as you. By now family sick of cookie dinners.

Monster wife say, it no healthy to feed da monsterlings cookie every night, even when cookie is fancy NYT cookie with 5,042 reviews and 4.8 stars.

Me think Wednesday is for compromising. 

So tonight me whip up Margaux Laskey’s Chocolate Chip Cookie Pizza. Wife will be happy because look like “real food:” pizza. Cookie Monster happy because taste like COOOOOOOOOKIE!!!!! ME LOVE COOKIE!!!!!! 


Me no usually stray from chocolate chip cookie on weeknights, but tonight me make exception for Genevieve Ko’s Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookie recipe. (Tip from Cookie Monster: if you no care for oatmeal, omit oatmeal.  Now, TADA!  It chocolate chip cookie!)

Do yourself big favor and check out comments section on this recipe. Me read review from one woman who make cookie, then decide to divorce husband. Not to marry cookie – it not possible to do this (me has tried). She leave because she realize she happier eating cookie than she feel in 18 years of marriage. 

Me never cease to be amazed and humbled by power of cookie. 


Cookie Monster exhausted after long week of toiling in kitchen. Me craving something simple tonight. 

This call for Yasin Fahr’s Baked Chicken and Feta Meatballs. Me LOVE this recipe. Me make only a few substitutions. Cookie Monster eating less meat these days, so me replace chicken with flour and add egg for protein. Me use baking powder in place of feta (me mildly lactose intolerant). Ooooh, and me add sugar…and butter….and chocolate chips!!!! 

When pan come out of oven, let cool for 30 seconds, then – COOKIE!!! COOKIE!!! COOKIE!!! AAAARGHHHHHHHH, COWABUNGA!!! 

And now me must clean up crumbs from meatball-cookie (me sprayed them everywhere while eating) and wrap up newsletter.

You need subscription to access recipes. Cookie taste better when you bake from subscription. C is for “cookie,” “collection of recipes,” and “customer” who “cough” up payment. Please no be like Cookie Monster’s 37-year-old sister-in-law signed in on me account. Share cookie, not login info. 


Miriam Jayaratna is a clinical psychologist and writer based in NYC. She is thrilled to be making her third appearance in Defenestration. Miriam writes comedy because Freud said humor is the best coping mechanism, once you’ve blown through all your cocaine.

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