“Warts,” by Alexei Kalinchuk

Oct 11th, 2017 | By | Category: Fake Nonfiction, Prose

Grant Sims revolutionized technology.  His early death saddened us, but we shouldn’t ever forget that he put all of himself into the products we enjoy today.  Now, not forgetting this, we should also know he was human.  So let’s allow the man a flaw or two without losing sight of what he meant to us.

He wasn’t always polite.  That’s the price of passion, isn’t it?  Software doesn’t develop itself and if he couldn’t sand off every last rough edge, well, we’re the beneficiaries of his obsession to product quality.  If he liked people more, I guess we’d be stuck with mediocre software.  So he wouldn’t hold an elevator?  Not a crime.  Profanity?  Part and parcel of the man, and no omelet was ever made without a broken shell.  Some egos bruised?  It happens and I do want to point out that it was just that one time that he defecated in the water fountain.  Just once.  Who else in this room wants their whole life to be judged by one incident?  Thought so.  And while we’re on the subject, there is no absolute proof he salted the water cooler with his pubic hair.  While it was clearly pubic hair, we have no evidence it was his and wanting that DNA evidence now as specified in this long-threatened lawsuit by disgruntled ex-employees is a shameless money grab.  Just shameless.

No, I don’t see why it matters.

Defenestration-VikingAlexei Kalinchuk says, “I’ve been published in the UK anthology Punk! Punk! and with Foliate Oak, and am almost a Master in the art of Ukrainian Massage. Also, my knowledge of root vegetables has kept me in great demand on the expert witness circuit.”

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