Smooth Criminals

Apr 26th, 2013 | By | Category: Ben & Winslow

04262013 Smooth Criminals


Back in 2011, after reminiscing about past jobs, Winslow started a contracting company called the Winslow Toughguy Firm, which specialized in bioengineering. WTF was responsible for such innovations as the apple pieger and the velocitractor. This is the company Winslow has sold to [redacted]. While everything he tells Ben in the first two panels is absolutely true, what he fails to mention is that the gambling losses, the helicopter crash, and the mercenary transfer all happened on the same night.

Winslow lost all of his money in a single hand of high-stakes celebrity poker against Javier Bardem, Hugh Laurie, and Michael Fassbender wearing a fairly convincing Jennifer Lawrence costume. Winslow’s hand consisted of “the two of hearts, the four of diamonds, the five of diamonds, the jerk of clubs, and the letter A of hearts.” Furious over the loss (he swears he was playing “West Antarctic Hold ‘Em,” which explained the penguin hat and the bucket of raw krill he’d been eating at the time), Winslow crashed his helicopter into the casino. This activated the security robots which attacked both Winslow and his mercenary bodyguard, poking at them mercilessly with pneumatic poking arms the likes of which Winslow had never seen before. They escaped, but since Winslow was “borrowing” one of Kurt the Cynic’s skull shirts during the raid, the casino owners never caught on and never came looking for him. But in a rare pang of guilt, Winslow loaned the bodyguard to him in case the robots ever came looking.

This comic is really an exercise in absurdity. Hamburger hats? Deadpool? I don’t even know anymore.


Andrew Kaye (known in some circles as AK) is the creator of Ben & Winslow and other questionable comics, many of which can be found in his deviantART gallery. He’s also the editor-in-chief of this magazine. Duh?

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