“Highlights from the Sharing Circle at the KnickKnack Toy Co. Staff Retreat,” by Micah Cratty

Jan 20th, 2009 | By | Category: Prose

Thomas Huntington, CEO, broke into tears and said that despite the long hours he worked he truly loves his fiancée, Victoria, and will try to balance his work and home life better in the future. The marketing department then started singing “Thomas and Victoria sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!” Charlotte Figueroa, Northwestern Director of Product Compliance, began to giggle and asked Thomas, “If he loves Victoria so much, why doesn’t he marry her?”

Carl Jones, Junior VP of Sales, admitted that he was still harboring resentment towards Lucy Goods, Senior VP of Sales, for losing out the promotion to her. Mrs. Goods stuck her thumbs in her ears, wiggled her fingers, and said “Pbbbbbbth!”

Bernard Collins, VP of human resources, told the group the adjustment from the Toledo office to corporate headquarters had been very difficult for him. He was very thankful to his new friends, especially Francis Pickering, head of IT, for making the corporate office feel like home. Mr. Jones responded by saying he thought he was Mr. Collins best friend, but he didn’t even care anymore because Mr. Collins was a stupid. Mr. Jones added that Mr. Collins had pooped his pants during the potato sack race.

Jaclyn Durand, VP of Product Development, left the retreat early, shortly after being told by Robert Kitchens, CFO, that she should have herself tested for cooties. Ms. Durand was quickly followed by the entire marketing department, who all received text messages from “family and close friends” that there was an emergency to attend to at home.

Patty Williams, Board of Directors, complained that people were taking her Snack Packs from the break room. Mr. Huntington reminded her that sharing was caring. Mrs. Williams responded by saying Mr. Huntington was not so generous when she wanted to borrow his company Porsche for her anniversary trip to Cape Cod with Mr. Williams last May. Mr. Huntington said that he didn’t understand her because he didn’t speak “toilet head,” and that he didn’t want to play anymore. The sharing circle soon concluded.


Micah Cratty waited until the last minute to write his bio, with the hope something exciting would happen in his life. He now lives in New Mexico.

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