VI.III
Defenestration: January 2009
Well, it’s a new year, and a new Defenestration. Welcome to the January 2009 issue!I’m all alone at Defenestration HQ. Everyone’s at the presidential inauguration. I don’t get to go because someone thought it would be funny if they chained me to a radiator with a pair of handcuffs from an adult novelty shop. I [...]
“Interview with The Bad Odor Collector, Randy Stargas, by Larry Quest,” presented by Jeff Crouch and Christopher Woods
Q. Is it true that you have made a living ferreting out bad smells? How does one get such a job? A. Are you trying to insult me? Do you think I make a living from my odorous work, my holy cause? Let me tell you something. All that I have done in the odor [...]
“The Very Impressive Amulet of Great Significance,” by Stephanie Kraner
Two mighty opponents glared at each other on the field of battle. One of them had a stomachache. “I don’t care if the stars realigned themselves to spell out her name,” the dragon roared, wishing he hadn’t eaten the other traveler he’d come across that morning. “I saw her first!” “My uncle’s pumpkin patch you [...]
“Highlights from the Sharing Circle at the KnickKnack Toy Co. Staff Retreat,” by Micah Cratty
Thomas Huntington, CEO, broke into tears and said that despite the long hours he worked he truly loves his fiancée, Victoria, and will try to balance his work and home life better in the future. The marketing department then started singing “Thomas and Victoria sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!” Charlotte Figueroa, Northwestern Director of Product [...]
“Hector & Kevin & Sheila,” by Eirik Gumeny
Hector Van Ort lived in a pumpkin. It was a very nice pumpkin, very orange. At one point, it had actually been made of pumpkin, but then it got warm and the pumpkin got unpleasant and Hector had it reinforced with matchsticks and tinder. That worked about as well as one would expect, really. Thankfully [...]
“HAPPY HOLIDAYS AND GREETINGS TO ALL!!!!” by Carolyn McGovern
It’s that time again! Time for the obligatory holiday letter. Who can top the Kelly’s letter, though? Well, we can try. You will notice, I’ve got the mandatory red paper. So that’s a good start. Okay, let me begin. HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!!! GREETINGS TO ALL!!!!! (How was that? Did I put enough exclamation points? I put [...]
“Females And Their Ideas Of The Purpose Of Babies,” by Daniel Gallik
She told me she was going to tell me how we were going to be. I said I wanted to be silent.. She yelled silence was her fortune. I asked her, pleaded with her to get a new car. She said I was a waste of money. Then, she hugged me and told me I [...]
“before i die,” by Jason Barber
shoplift saffron. include the word “carthaginian” in a title. be naked for days on end. understand and consume cheese. chop at bales of hay with a machete. extrude mud. form bricks. wear yellow and baby blue, together. lightly touch a woman’s lower back dimples with the gooey side of a warm aloe vera leaf. witness [...]
“2 Poems,” by Jonathan Kessler
Hobbies The kid called them little micro planets,With unending patience a nine year old boy explained to me that they weren’t just lights in the sky. I told him that if he continued with this poor behavior they wouldn’t shine for him. Ever! It didn’t matter to me because my childhood was made up of [...]
“Whatver Works,” by Eddie Grant
———— Eddie Grant is a man with lots of free time, which he chooses to fill turning his dumb thoughts into comic strips. If you wish to be a part of his looming madness then visit him at his deviantART site: http://zarkonspacepirategod.deviantart.com.
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