Archive for January, 2004
“Ambiquitous Comics,” by Chris Plehal
Chris Plehal owns a Mexican candle that has a picture of a skeleton on it and says “Muerte Contra Mis Enemigos.” If anyone pisses him off, he’ll recite the incantation and light the candle. Please give him a job.
“Infinity — Thou Must DIE!”, by Gary Lehmann
We’ve had enough of you.
Be gone!
Look!
You’re not even logical any longer.
As long as a start can be made
one-two-three
there is no point where the end arises
where there is no next number.
So, go away.
Maybe, back in the dark days,
we needed a word for the sky’s height or the ocean’s depth,
but no more.
Now we know these things [...]
“Chances”, by Bryan Thao Worra
In 1,000 years you are guaranteed
At least one perfect cup of coffee,
And if you have enough monkeys, (IF)
Almost the complete works of the Bard.
So what can a young man get with 80 and
an occasional trip to the zoo?
_____________________
Lao American poet Bryan Thao Worra currently resides in St. Paul surrounded by snow and giant Snoopy [...]
“A Twist on Cliché”, by Brooke Bailey
Hey Prince Charming,
I’m glad your horse ate you
and while you’re riding off into the sunset
in your stallion’s stomach
I hope he decides
to regurgitate you,
that a cow mistakes you for its vomit
and decides to chew its ugly cud.
____________________
Brooke Bailey says the following about herself (but we know she’s lying): “I’m a double x-chromosomed geek-magnet with [...]
“The Truth About Camping”, by Todd Werkhoven
Although I’m not what you would call an “avid outdoorsman,” I do like being outdoors. Weather permitting, I enjoy hiking, kayaking, skiing, walking, swimming, and the occasional curling match. But there¹s one thing I can’t tolerate: camping.
My wife loves camping. All of my friends love camping. I can’t stand it. While everyone else thinks [...]
“Generation Gap”, by Stephen Swycher
Stephen Swycher in conversation with his granddaughter (aged 3 years & six months).
Grandpa: I’d like you to put your toys away and tidy up Milly.
Milly: I haven’t got time.
G: You’re going to bed soon.
M: That’s why I haven’t got time.
G: You’re going to bed in five minutes.
M: Ten.
G: I said five minutes.
M: Ten.
G: What about [...]
The Magic Flute: Why V.C. Andrews is Rolling in Her Grave
V.C. Andrews is pissed.
Sure Andrews, best known for her novel Flowers in the Attic died in 1986, but being dead really frees up your schedule. And all that time really gives you time to reflect on how your family is made up of money-grubbing goblins. V.C. Andrews only wrote seven books, but those seven books [...]
The Magic Flute: Why V.C. Andrews is Rolling in Her Grave (Celebrity Rebuttal: V.C. Andrews, deceased)
V.C. Andrews is pissed.
Sure Andrews, best known for her novel Flowers in the Attic died in 1986, but being dead really frees up your schedule. And all that time really gives you time to reflect on how your family is made up of money-grubbing goblins. V.C. Andrews only wrote seven books, but those seven books [...]
Defenestration: January 2004
It’s the January 2004 issue of Defenestration!
