Alex arrived thirty minutes early so he could choose the largest chair in the room. All the chairs looked nearly identical, but his was slightly larger. He arranged the others in a circle around it and nudged his own chair six inches forward. On a nearby table he displayed three framed certificates. One proclaimed him Founder and Visionary of the First Narcissist Club and had been presented to Alex by Alex. Another named him Member of the Month. The third awarded him a Lifetime Achievement Award.

You went to Canada for Garth. Your digital courtship brief, but consuming. After hours of searching underground blogs for the perfect venue for your first in-person meet, you found, and now sit in, the hippest bar in all of Canada, while pretending it’s the Ace Hotel. You’re on a love seat in an empty corner, enjoying your trademark root beer float. Just the thought of Garth sets the butterflies in your stomach aflutter. As you sip your delicious frozen subtlety you wonder what will happen when he does walk through that door, where will you go, what will you end up doing?

back when men were men
and Popes were Popes
and mystery was still sublime
when the Pope came out to
check his shadow each winter
and it was long, vast, and feared across America

The bell rang and I leapt into action
with the preliminary grumble
of an aged Pavlovian hound.
I grasped both armrests
hissed a pneumatic gasp
and pushed
myself
up.

I disdain your pizza order.
These are ignorant toppings.
Once I commanded ravens
to deliver fresh bread
to Elijah in the wilderness.
Now I deliver pizza.