Homeroom just ended. Me and Veronica were talking about prom stuff. She wanted to wear that red dress, even though it was cheap and store-bought. I guess it complimented her hair, which was also cheap and store-bought. Ever the diplomat, I tried to persuade her to stick to solid black. It’s slimming, especially in the hip area. But I couldn’t exactly make any hip area comments to her face. I mean, could you imagine? I would totally sound catty.

I am in search of someone who would be willing to shake my hand. As an unemployed potential employee, I read in an article that a firm handshake is “the key to success.” Now, here are some things you need to know before you respond/apply: I have nice hands that I keep very clean by

[continue reading…]

To Your Parents When you are ready to run away from home, grab a piece of paper from your father’s briefcase and some lipstick from your mother’s purse. If you knocked them out correctly, you should have no problem doing this. Take the lipstick and write on the piece of paper. Write a suicide note

[continue reading…]

“what are collard greens and why called new kale?”

“ways to cook collard greens”

“easy ways to cook collard greens”

To the wonderful (if not environmentally conscious) residents of Springfield,

You are receiving this email, or letter for those of you who have selfishly failed to switch to e-notices, because the recycling policy regarding what we DO and DO NOT accept has been modified. This policy change is in effect as of the moment you are reading this notice.