Dear Employer,

As your new marketing assistant, I just wanted to say thank you for the opportunity and… get ready for some face-melting assisting!!

When filming the final scene of The Bells of St. Mary’s in 1946, Bing Crosby and Ingrid Berman conspired on a prank. As a taciturn Father O’Malley sends a tearful Sister Benedict off to recover from her illness, he unexpectedly grabs her in a tongue-locking, passionate kiss. The crew busted up laughing.

Sixty-four years and one Pedophile Scandal later, priestly lust is no longer funny. Worse, it’s no longer taboo—just creepy. So movie priests are taking their vows of chastity more seriously than ever, and looking like priests in real life and not the ones in Madonna’s fantasies.

A hasty survey (taken at parties when I say I am going to powder my nose, but really I am checking out their fridges) of my friend’s fridges (and pantries) reveals that certain people can live without quinoa. Few of my friends are spelt-lovers. Few take the time to cut fruit with a fruit knife in the European manner—there are lots of packages of Wegman’s pre-cut melon.

First incarnation: Orthodox Marxism (circa 1848)

The Doozers must organize.

Fraggles, in their role as exploiter, are directly appropriating the surplus labor of the Doozers for their own consumption. The Doozer’s dead labor is embodied in commodity form in the radish sticks/building material that provides the primary Fraggle means of subsistence. On first blush, this relationship appears most reminiscent of the standard exploitative-capitalist/exploited-worker binary that defines the capitalist mode of production.

The only thing that used to make you angrier than that jerk who sautéed her chicken in the vegan wok were when pronouns straddled a slash with the “he” unapologetically maintaining the primary position throughout an entire essay. But then you failed to internalize Cornell West. Cornell West started showing up on Bill Maher. And

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