Posts Tagged ‘ Mysteries Answered!… and Stuff ’

Eureka! I Had a Sex Dream

Mar 27th, 2012 | By

Dear Jonathan, I’m having a moral crisis. I’ve been having sex dreams involving my neighbor. Considering the whole thou-shall-not-covet-thy-neighbor’s-wife clause, I’m feeling kind of guilty. What do I do? First of all, I’m writing in while on sabbatical in lovely Eureka Springs, Arkansas, and it is very beautiful out here. I’ve only heard “dueling banjos”

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Racist Intermezzo

Feb 28th, 2012 | By

I think my cat is a racist. I’m serious and this worries me. My husband and I maintain a very civil household. Quite frankly we’re the epitome of a boring suburban couple. We vote, recycle and donate to charities every year. So, this new development has created a stain over my happy existence. I feel

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Ponycidal Christmas

Jan 31st, 2012 | By

Dear Jonathan, I’m still pissed off I didn’t get an iPad for Christmas. What are some things you wanted for Christmas that your parents didn’t get you because they were bastards?   There were three things I consistently asked for Christmas when I was growing up: a good book, a pony and a cape. I

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Roman Holiday Boxing

Dec 15th, 2011 | By

Dear Jonathan, I just saw Tallafornia. Any suggests on what I can watch now in order to avoid night terrors? ———————– Two things you should know about me. #1 – I love British television series, especially historical dramas. #2 – I have an unhealthy infatuation with evil bitchy women in power. So this would explain

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“Blek,” Said The Lesbian

Oct 25th, 2011 | By

Last month’s column got me thinking about the many books I wasn’t allowed to read growing up. There were actually quite a few – my mother was of the prude and prejudice type. Anyway, here’s a small list of some wandering book covers and the secrets they hold that I can only dream of…