Good morning, and welcome aboard Jetsky Airways flight 1015 to Seattle. We’ll be taking off momentarily, so at this time we ask you to disable and stow all electronic devices. Please keep in mind that cell phones may not be used on board the plane at any time. If you have a cell phone, it is to remain in your baggage, unused and alone, waiting for you to return, fighting feelings of resentment while still wondering if you’ll ever love it the same way you used to.

The Malthusian model is built on presumed failure. The assumption is that broad social programs will result in unchecked population growth, leading to inevitable disaster.

Paul! Take a lap! You can’t be napping back there! They’ll eat you alive!

To the Admissions Board of Harvard University:

This letter of intent has been written to announce my intentions to receive a four-year scholarship as your starting quarterback. While I have had a few options in the academic market, none of the community colleges or online universities have the wealth of history (and history of wealth) that Harvard’s MBA program offers.

Charlotte, Sam, and I took a trip in the summer of 1984 to the Rocky Mountains to mend our strained relationships. I remember it like it was yesterday plus twenty-six years. Looking back, we were just kids at the time. All I thought about were girls and my doctoral thesis. Sam was teething. None of us were in jail.

Inspired by a conservative website’s project to create a new Bible translation that “eliminates liberal bias” and incorporates “free market meaning,” I have taken another look at the lost years of Jesus. In light of free market meaning, I have tried to fill in the gaps.