Let me tell you, folks: telling a small child that their parents are mortal is one of the cruelest things you can possibly do.

The similarities between Batman and Groot have been explored before, but I wanted to take a crack at it.

Before anyone asks: Yes, Winslow was at a resort called “Lovers’ Retreat” by himself. It was an educational experience.

My daughter saw this one and asked, “What happened to his face?!” To which I replied, “I don’t know!”

Everyone knows that you can’t blame wolves for other people’s behavior. But people who were raised by wolves can be blamed for all sorts of things. Poor hygiene. Bad habits. Unhealthy diet. The wanton destruction of throw pillows. This is just how the world works.