I challenge you: grab a magnifying glass and a butterfly, and tell me that what you see doesn’t look exactly like the butterfly in this comic. The crazy eyes. The bad teeth. These sort of things are standard issue in the butterfly world. Caterpillars think they’re going to become beautiful, but in reality, they look better as fuzzy worms. Cuter that way, too.

This comic is actually based on a true story. This guy Eileen and I knew in college did this exact thing, only instead of a hotdog, it was human being.

Sometimes, a cartoonist just needs to draw a pig.

I know. It’s not actually Valentine’s Day. But it’s close.

The good thing about using organs as valentines is that they’re not wasted afterward. You can’t make a meat pie out of a shoebox full of cheap card-stock SpongeBob SquarePants valentines. Believe me. I’ve tried.

Here’s how to make a ninja sandwich. I know you all understand the mechanics of sandwich construction, so I’ll just go over the ingredients.

You need bread, preferably sliced and not some sort of kaiser roll or pita. You’ll also need lettuce, raw onions, several thinly sliced pieces of dill pickle, mustard, mayonnaise, and a few dashes of ordinary black pepper. The ninja has to be small enough to fit between the slices of bread, and should be alive while eating to maintain its subtle ninja flavors.