So. Here we are at last. You, me, maybe some snow, and this: the December 2011 issue of Defenestration. It smells like pine needles and pinecones and pine-scented floor cleaners. Very piney. Pinish? That sounds awful. But the smell? Ridiculishious.

You might be thinking, “This is a winter issue,” which is true if you don’t live in like, Australia, where everyone is wearing bathing suits and taking photos of themselves in bathing suits and them uploading them to [insert social networking site here] so all their American friends (they don’t have any other friends) can feel sad about everything. That’s a very Australian thing to do, I’ve heard. Anyway. You might be thinking “This is a winter issue,” which is true, only not really. In fact that’s wrong. Totally wrong. Nothing in this issue has anything to do with winter. In fact, if we were going to choose a theme for this issue, it would be poop.

Being turned down by attractive celebrities is how sociopaths are made. At least in the cartoon world. Winslow is very likely to start kidnapping princesses next. That’s just how these things go down.

Now that Winslow has won a sizable (if undefined) amount of money with a winning lottery ticket, it’s time to spend it! Money in the hands of Winslow is a potential danger. He’s just as likely to spend it on ham sandwiches, night vision goggles, and girlie mags as he is on stolen antiquities and doomsday devices. The option depicted here is a more responsible choice: hiring Salma Hayek to star in a movie is an investment, really. Just think of the money he could make with this thing!

Sometimes I wish human facial expressions had the elasticity of cartoon characters. No one would be able to hide their real feelings. And if anyone won the lottery, everyone would no without smug announcements of sudden wealth.

Since it’s the day after Thanksgiving and I didn’t feel like putting up a Thanksgiving-themed comic up yesterday, here’s a turkey-themed comic. Because people cook turkeys on days other than Thanksgiving, right? And you probably have some cold turkey leftover from yesterday, right? So turkey’s still fresh in your mind? Maybe even in a sandwich?