“The Weatherman,” by Brian Clark

Dec 20th, 2022 | By | Category: Fiction, Prose

Friday, 4 p.m.

Susan: This is WKNW, 1160 on your radio dial, and I’m Susan Collins, keeping you company on your drive home. WKNW now has triple the number of weather updates, with reports every 10 minutes. Meteorologist Chuck Blain is on the case. How are things looking, Chuck? 

Chuck: Well, all I can say is enjoy the sunshine while you can, ’cause it’s not going to last. Our spell of beautiful weather is coming to an end—just in time for the weekend. Rain will move in overnight and stay with us Saturday and Sunday. Tomorrow will be breezy, with northeast winds gusting to 40 miles per hour. It’s going to cool down, too, with highs for both days of only 68. So that’s the weather picture, Susan. I guess all good things must come to an end. 

4:10 p.m. 

Susan: So, Chuck, what’s happening on the weather front? 

Chuck: Well, Susan, I’m afraid our string of sunny days is coming to an end. Rain will move into the area tonight and stick around for Saturday and Sunday. Expect a strong breeze tomorrow, with northeast winds gusting to 40 miles an hour. A rather cool 68 will be the high both days. But we’ve still got a few more hours of sunshine, so get out there and soak it up while you can. 

4:20 p.m.

Susan: Well, Chuck, what’s the latest with the weather outlook? 

Chuck: No change to speak of there, Susan. We’re still looking at a rainy weekend, with 68 the high for Saturday and Sunday. Tomorrow will be windy. 

4:30 p.m. 

Susan: So, Chuck, what can you tell us about the weekend forecast? 

Chuck: It’s still the same, Susan. Exactly the same. No change whatsoever. Rain Saturday, rain Sunday. High of 68. Both days.

4:40 p.m.

Susan: Keeping an eye on the forecast is Chuck Blain. What do you have for us, Chuck? 


Susan: Chuck? 

Chuck: OK, no way that was 10 minutes. 

Susan: What’s that, Chuck? 

Chuck: Nothing, Susan. Um, the forecast is, um, unchanged. Unaltered. Unmodified. Same as when last we spoke. Rain is coming. All weekend. High of 68 Saturday and Sunday. That, too, is unchanged. Completely unchanged.

4:50 p.m. 

Susan: Chuck Blain is here to fill us in on the weekend forecast. Chuck? 

Chuck: Ditto. 

Susan: What’s that, Chuck? 

Chuck: No more sunshine, Susan. Like I said. Rain Saturday, rain Sunday. 

5 p.m. 

Susan: Well, Chuck, tell us about— 

Chuck: Did I mentioned it’s going to rain all weekend? 

Susan: Um, yes, Chuck, you did. 

Chuck: I know, Susan. That was a rhetorical question. Did I mention the high for both days will be 68? 

Susan: Was that a rhetorical question, too? 

Chuck: Yes, Susan. 

5:10 p.m. 

Susan: I’ve got a bone to pick with you about this terrible weekend forecast, Chuck. 

Chuck: I’m not responsible for the rain, Susan. 

Susan: Yes, Chuck. I was just— 

Chuck: Let me explain, Susan. You see, heat from the sun turns moisture into water vapor. The vapor rises, cools and condenses into tiny water droplets, which form clouds. When the water droplets become too large and heavy, they fall as rain. This is part of the hydrologic cycle. And I play no role in this process. None whatsoever! So that is what’s going to happen this weekend—the hydrologic cycle in action. High of 68. Both days. 

5:20 p.m. 

Susan: Well, Chuck, I guess it’s going to be a great weekend—if you’re a duck. 


Susan: You there, Chuck? 

Chuck: Yes. I’m here. 

Susan: I was just saying— 

Chuck: Yes, Susan, I heard you. You were talking about ducks. Yes, I suppose ducks will enjoy this weekend, what with all the rain we’ll be getting. How delightfully whimsical. 

5:30 p.m. 

Susan: Time for another weather update. Anyone out and about this weekend should bring along an umbrella, eh Chuck? 

Chuck: An umbrella? Yes, I guess an umbrella would be useful, given the fact that rain does have a tendency to make a person… um… wet. Good thinking, Susan. But hey, here’s a thought. Just for fun, why not try a rake instead. Highs of 68. 

5:40 p.m. 

Susan: What’s in store for the weekend, Chuck? 

Chuck: I’ve been thinking about the ducks. And although it’s undeniable that ducks like swimming in water, I’m not entirely sure they like being pelted by it from above. You see, Susan, I studied atmospheric science in college, and not once did we discuss ducks. It may have been an oversight on the part of the faculty. Anyway, it’s going to rain Saturday and Sunday. High of 68 both days. 

5:50 p.m. 

Susan: An announcement before we get to the weather. Boy Scout troop number six has canceled its campout this weekend due to the rain. OK, Chuck, over to you for the forecast details. 

Chuck: They blame me, don’t they? 

Susan: What’s that, Chuck? 

Chuck: Maybe I need to explain the hydrologic cycle again. 

6 p.m. 

Susan: Chuck Blain is here with a rundown of the weekend weather.

Chuck: Great news, everybody. There’s a new forecast. Sunshine for the entire weekend. 

Susan: Gee, Chuck, how is that even poss— 

Chuck: The skies will be an immaculate shade of azure blue. They will be adorned by a few puffs of cottony clouds, fluffy enough to serve as beds for angels. With highs of 75 both days, the temperature will be just right, much like Goldilocks’ porridge. 

Susan: Chuck? 

Chuck: The humidity level will be perfect, imbuing the air with a sublime dewy freshness. A soft breeze will caress your skin like a lover’s gentle touch. 

Susan: Chuck? 

Chuck: Butterflies will flit through sun-dappled meadows. Little birds will have to invent new songs to serenade what may be the most beautiful days that Planet Earth has ever seen. Roses and daffodils will open their petals and smile upon the world. Honeybees will— 

6:30 p.m. 

Susan: This is WKNW, 1160 on your dial, with weather updates every half hour. I’m Susan Collins. Well, it looks like we’re in for a rainy weekend. The high will be 68 Saturday and Sunday…


Brian Clark was born and raised in the Toronto area and now lives in St. Catharines, Ontario. He spent many years in the newspaper business, working as a reporter and a copy editor. He’s now trying his hand at fiction. Several of his stories have been published in literary journals. In addition, he has written a novel and a collection of fictional ghost stories, and is hoping to get both published. He writes all his stories by scattering Scrabble tiles on the floor.

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