While the coronavirus pandemic has gripped the nation, a subtler, far more dangerous pandemic has silently infiltrated the minds and bodies of America’s men: Soy Boyism.
For eons, men have been strong and dominant, alphas in every sense of the word. In recent years, however, the alpha male has been on the decline, replaced by limp-wristed Soy Boy beta cucks, who do nothing but talk about Japanese cartoons and spend their entire life’s savings on Twitch thots’ OnlyFans.
What’s more, the utter lack of alpha males in American society has caused our women to be led astray. In the golden era of the 1950s, women were docile housewives, happily subservient to their dominant husbands. Now, all modern women do is dye their hair pink and scissor each other. If we continue to be complacent, American men will start to grow vaginas, and our population will plummet. The only way to save this country’s dying moral values is to enact a nationwide plan to save the Alpha Male from imminent extinction. If we can enact plans like these for dumb animals, then why not do the same for pure-blooded Americans?
Since I am ever dedicated to this noble cause, I have developed a three-step plan, detailed below. While I am aware that enforcing this plan will come with its challenges, I am positive that it will put America back on track, and that we will be able to subdue any gross tattooed lesbians that dare to fight against our raw masculine power.
1. Woolly Mammoths
While I am confident that this plan will ensure that all boys will grow up to be alphas, there is no saving those that have already been transformed into weak Soy Boys by modern evils like gay parenting and 5G technology. At first, I wanted to wipe them out entirely via nuclear bomb, because watching them do beta shit like eat out their unshaven feminist girlfriends made me physically ill. However, I had a revelation: why not make them dress up as woolly mammoths? I know, I know: many of you have not yet transcended ignorant, modern societal values and become alphas, so you may not understand where I, one of the last defenders of Western civilization, am coming from. Let me explain: hunting woolly mammoths and driving animals to the brink of extinction is what we do as men. It’s in our blood. Since Sleepy Joe and his crew of socialist commies have been taking away our guns, our primal hunter-gatherer instincts have been suppressed. By making the Soy Boys dress up as woolly mammoths, we will invoke these instincts, while eliminating the Soy Boy problem, all in one go.
2. Wolf Packs
In a world practically run by betas and their Satanic wives, there’s no surefire way to protect our children from doing things like being gay or reading Harry Potter. The best way to train them in the alpha lifestyle is to raise them alongside wolves. To do this, we’ll raise wolf packs on a national scale and assign a boy to live with each one. To make the most lasting impression, we’ll send them to live with wolf packs as newborn babies, with trucks stationed outside hospitals 24/7 to whisk them away after delivery. For the next ten years, they will learn the ways of the alpha, and will eat, sleep, and breathe raw masculinity. If one gets eaten? Beta cuck. If one falls behind and ends up dying from exposure? Soy Boy. If one cries and misses his mother? Simp.
That leaves us with the final issue: females. There’s no way we could raise them alongside wolves. Their skin is too fragile, and they’d be as good as dead if left without a rolling pin. Instead of being thrown to the wolves for the first ten years of their lives, girls will be sent to tradwife training, where they’ll be taught about the inherent sinfulness of the female form, and how to obey Jesus by covering up their shoulders.
3. Women’s Quarters
We all know that the aftermath of the mandatory wolf packs will turn feeble, newborn beta caterpillars into ripped alpha moths (as butterflies are too feminine). But what about the tradwife training? How can we ensure that females stay docile? Honestly, the answer is simpler than you’d think. Though feminists have tried to ignore their biological tendencies towards pregnancy and the color pink, a woman can only outrun her biology for so long. The fact of the matter is that women love to be subjugated by men. In hunter-gatherer times, if a man died while wrestling a saber tooth tiger, his harem of hairless cavewomen would drop dead immediately, from the lack of loving male subjugation in their lives.
Since women are already programmed to serve men, all we need to do is make sure that they recognize this natural female urge. The best way to ensure this on a national scale is to redesign all of America’s houses, with the man cave taking over the entire home, and a small section dedicated to women’s work (cooking, cleaning, gathering berries, etc). To further encourage women to reclaim their true callings as cooks, they should sleep in the oven, instead of being given their own bed. However, when it’s Designated Sex Hour (as chosen by her husband), she may be permitted to sleep at the foot of the bed, ready for use.
Since real men have no idea how to cook, some women may end up being accidentally burnt to a crisp by their husbands. While a dishwasher being broken is nothing to scoff at, they are easily replaced. In the meantime, the alpha male can have something to dine on while he searches for another virginal and breedable 19 year-old tradwife.
With alpha males once more at the top of the food chain, and females at our beck and call, our floundering society will flourish once more. I hope to one day see this plan put into place. Until that fateful day, I will continue to fight for traditional masculinity and the revival of the West, through reputable social media platforms like Reddit and 4chan. In the meantime, if you are a young, fertile woman with traditional values and an intact hymen, feel free to email me at ilovemen(notgay)123@gmail.com.
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Sara says: “ My name is Sara Traynor. I am 20 years old, and I’m from a town in downstate New York that nobody knows of unless they’re from there. I am an English major (I know, ugh) with a creative writing concentration at Binghamton University. I’ve written a few articles for a campus publication; my other pieces are published on my blog, The S Word (https://stheword.wordpress.com/).”