“Flannery O’Connor, Instagram Influencer,” by Laura K. LaGrone

Sep 9th, 2020 | By | Category: Fake Nonfiction, Prose

therealflannyo25 The baby looked thataway at birth, weren’t nothin’ nobody coulda ferseen or helped. All the same, he had a sweet smell to him on account of the Johnson’s ™ talcum powder. #evenuglybabiesneedlove

therealflannyo25 The Curel™ lanolin might’ve helped, if the gangrene hadn’t settled itself in like a cat on a window seat. #warinjuries

therealflannyo25 Laverne had half a jar of bacon fat left over from mama’s cremation party and mixed it with some Duke’s™ Mayonnaise to make potato salad for the Reverend Smithwick. #funeralfoods

therealflannyo25 The old woman was on her knees scrambling for scattered eggs and Goo Goo Clusters™ while her son glowered down at her, a mean-eyed smirk on his broad, sunburnt face. #Easter

therealflannyo25 Loretta knew she didn’t love John Wesley, that she could only ever love the corpse that lived on in her memories. All the same, she had to marry this living man, in a dress of fine silk and taffeta boughten at Joann Fabrics™ by Granny Gert. #sayyestothedress

therealflannyo25 Ruby June climbed up out of the ditch, swiping at a trickle of blood that was coming from her brow. Red Tom was dead shorenuf, but she’d managed to climb out of the wrecked automobile in one piece. #fordtough

therealflannyo25 Big Jake never saw it coming. Patsy hid the bloodied shovel in the crawlspace, grabbed Junie Mae and the baby, and hit the gravel running. She kept running clean on to town, bankbook in hand. #mutualofomaha


Laura K. LaGrone is a writer, wife, and mother of two living a life of quiet desperation in Asheville, North Carolina. She once killed a man with a guitar string. This is her first Academy Award nomination.



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