“Class Action Notice for Users of the ‘Sketch-a-Flesh’ Brand Bioprinter,” by John McLaughlin

Sep 2nd, 2020 | By | Category: Fake Nonfiction, Prose


If you purchased a “Sketch-a-Flesh” brand bioprinter (ViviGen, Inc.) between 2043 and 2045, you may be entitled to financial compensation!

What is this lawsuit about?

Due to a serious design flaw in the Sketch-a-Flesh bioprinter, customers have reported troubling malfunctions when using their printer in conjunction with ViviGen’s proprietary live-tissue cartridges. The company has received the following complaints:

  • The LushLocks hair transplant system grows downward into the skull, instead of the opposite direction
  • The PureFlo collection of enhanced kidneys may spontaneously rewire and cannibalize other internal organs
  • The CardiaSure heart, which is normally rated for 500 million beats, fails at just over a thousand
  • The DermaBlock medical skin graft may sprout mushrooms, moss, or certain species of exotic plant
  • The TruGlo line of cosmetically sculpted noses and cheeks have been shown to melt at room temperature
  • The ExxtraSense augmented genitalia often contain serious structural defects, causing them to snap even under weak pressure

Why is there a financial settlement?

Owing to the high cost of a trial for the Defendant—and the Plaintiffs’ currently disintegrating physical state—both sides have agreed to a settlement.

What do I need to do?

Nothing! If you purchased a Sketch-a-Flesh bioprinter during the aforementioned time period, your DNA record is already on file, and any settlement funds will be deposited into the associated account.


The court has asked the law firm of Steiniger & Brach BioLaw to represent you and other Class Members. Please call 1-800-PRINTER-SCAM with any questions or concerns. And for our most critically damaged clients, genetic counselors are now available to help.


John McLaughlin holds a PhD in biology. His work has been published in Kasma SF, The Arcanist, Theme of Absence, among others.

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