Derek’s heart pulsed with anticipation as his simple three bedroom ranch house came into view at the far end of the cul-de-sac. “She’s going to be so surprised,” he thought to himself, giggling heartily at the spontaneity of his plan. He had decided yesterday to cut his trip short, booking a flight that would allow him to arrive at home before his wife Katie returned from work. However, as he passed the final row of large hedges and his driveway revealed itself, Derek’s spirits dropped, like a needle onto a record, and his joy slowly deflated.

They had changed the bylaws earlier that year and now every yard on the block had chickens. Alison didn’t know what to do about it. The noise, the stench of it. This was not the country. This was the city! The houses were attached to each other for Chrissakes.

It was uncharacteristically warm the day They came. I’ll always remember that day, because that was the day everything changed.

Of course when I say ‘they’ I mean the space wolves. I don’t know why I’m being so vague.

Hi, it’s mom. Where are you? Because I’ve got a leak here. It’s pouring down from upstairs into the front hall. Thank God I found two pots under the sink. Why did you hide them there?  They’ve never been there before. Every week you sneak in here and hide my things. I found my toothbrush on top of the piano and my teabags in the bathroom cupboard. I suppose you find that funny.

Ingredients

– A Boa constrictor digesting an Elephant.

– Baobabs.

– Other assorted characters (see below).