“The World Is Burning But At Least We Have Collective Nouns,” by Rosalind Moran

Sep 18th, 2019 | By | Category: Nonfiction, Prose

We’ve all heard of a parliament of owls, a gaggle of geese, and a murder of crows. But what about the creatures on this good semi-green Earth who lack a collective noun?

Fear not. English is world-renowned for its rules making zero sense, which means no one will notice if we pull a few more out of thin air in these articulation-lacking, shake ‘n fake times.

1. An alot of ocelots.

2. A laze of pandas.

3. An unhinging of gulls.

4. A shittonne of roaches.

5. A waddling of pugs.

6. A chamberchoir of guinea pigs.

7. A shyness of saola.

8. A rarity of pangolins.

9. A solitude of black rhinos.

10. A scarcity of bluefin tuna.

11. A fuckyou of insects.

12. A wriggle of worms.

13. A squirm of politicians.

14. A rofling of sea lions.

15. A snowsparkle of millennials.

16. An impoverishment of houseplants.

17. A catwalk of axolotls.

18. An unease of trumps.

19. An anger of deputies.

20. A bunker of writers.

21. A subjugation of handmaids.


Rosalind Moran has written for anthologies, websites, and journals including Meanjin and Overland. She co-founded Cicerone Journal and was awarded 2018 Undergraduate Awards Global Winner for her research into biopics. You can find more of her work through her website, Ganymede’s Mirror. Her Twitter link is @RosalindCMoran.

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