“Part Time English Adjunct Conference Newsletter – Fall 2019,” by Andrew Maust

Sep 25th, 2019 | By | Category: Fake Nonfiction, Prose

Hey everyone,

I have some exciting news about this year’s annual Part Time English Adjunct Conference!

After reviewing our budget as well as the survey that let us know what most attendees will be able to pay, we have been able to secure a rate that most of our members will find affordable if not comfortable. We have managed to reserve the Sundown Motel for our conference. They offer rooms with two single beds, and if yours aren’t bolted to the ground, you can push them together to make a double.

While we would normally not be able to provide a meal for our opening ceremony, this motel is fortunately near a Little Caesar’s where our vice president, Amelia Williams works as a shift manager. While we were initially optimistic that she would be able to provide us with a discount that proved to be unfeasible. However, we have been informed that after hours, leftover “hot and ready” pizzas are discarded, and Amelia can arrange for someone to come by and take them off of her hands.

Speaking of refreshments, while we have been told that tap water is available free of charge, a quick google search has let us know that we would much rather drink water from this district filtered. If anyone has a Brita purifier that they can bring, let us know as soon as possible.

The Sundown Motel has assured us that security will not be a concern, since the county police has been routinely patrolling this motel as part of an ongoing investigation. I’m sure this law enforcement presence will come as a great relief to all of our members after what happened last year!

I also wanted to announce that our keynote speaker has been confirmed. This year, we found one at a considerable discount thanks to generous donations from several major universities. We hope that you will join us to welcome Roger Johnson, a representative from Jackson Lewis with over ten years of union busting experience as he gives a talk on the dangers of unionization in academia.

I sent out an email last week saying that we are still looking for submissions to a few panels. Here is the entire list:

  • Learning 150 Names: Pedagogies for Large Composition Classrooms
  • If You Ever Get to Teach A Class Besides English 101: A Syllabus Planning Roundtable • Coping Mechanisms: Alcohol Doesn’t Count
  • Take A Penny Plates: Alternatives to Retirement Plans
  • When Your Contract Isn’t Renewed: Backup Careers for Career Adjuncts
  • Creative Session: Inspired by Feelings of Frustration and Hopelessness
  • When to Give Up And Work Retail
  • Improvised Benefits: Medical, Dental, and Childcare

We look forward to seeing all of you in Bridgeton, New Jersey!


Dr. Edgar Zimblewiffen, Association President


Andrew Maust a recovering adjunct who is still trapped in endless papers from students. He somehow manages to find time to write from time to time when he’s not procrastinating on grading or otherwise being unproductive. His biggest hobby is coming up with jokes that his students will ignore.

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