• A test of your patience for reminding people that it is the first Wednesday of the month.

• Your city’s reminder that it is the first Wednesday of the month.

• A test of the Look Outside Anyway Alarm.

• Your monthly alert that you didn’t do whatever it was you were going to do by the first of the month.

• A reminder that you must occasionally extract yourself from the unnatural disaster that is your daily screen time.

• The Let’s-Pretend-We-Live-in-a-City-Where-There-Are-Air-Raids-and-Not-in-Minneapolis Alarm.

• A test of your ability to maintain a straight face when you tell nearby children that it’s just a test and nothing like a tornado would ever happen here, ever.

• A test of the sirens that say, “This is the End of Days” in dog.

• A test of your central nervous system.

• A test of the National Emergent-but-Not-Quite-Emergency Broadcasting System.

• A call to arms for a race of tone-deaf French horn players.

• A test of your hearing.

• A test of the You-Are-One-Month-Closer-to-Death Alarm.

• A tornado warning.
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Jenny Krueger is a freelance writer living in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Her work has appeared in Revolver, The Evening Street Review, Front Porch Journal, and elsewhere. She was awarded a mentorship at the Loft Literary Center in Minneapolis, Minnesota, in 2014.