“Recent Web Search History of Person Aspiring to be Healthy, Fit, Stylish, Energetic, Pulled-Together Person, Excellent Mom,” by Anu Kandikuppa

Jul 30th, 2014 | By | Category: Fake Nonfiction, Prose

“what are collard greens and why called new kale?”

“ways to cook collard greens”

“easy ways to cook collard greens”

“cooking collards taking more than twenty minutes – normal? what am I doing wrong”

“how to get picky eight year old eat collards says cooked greens on plate like diarrhea”

“normal for eleven year old boy to fight with eight year old sister?”

“normal for eleven year old boy to fight constantly with eight year old sister?”

“typical characteristics of eleven year old boys”

“ways to wear navy striped blazer from”

“should striped blazer be buttoned?”

“striped blazer images”

“exercising eating protein not losing weight what doing wrong”

“what is banana diet”

“what is fruit diet”

“is there such thing as too much greek yogurt?”

“striped blazer not looking right what doing wrong?”

“how to tell if children growing up right”

“right knee aches dully is it from running? beginner runner”

“how not to yell at kids”

“how to think positively be optimistic”

“how to run with dully aching right knee”

“is striped blazer appropriate for woman in forties?”

“dressing tips forty year old woman”

“dressing tips forty year old woman pear shaped body want to look good”

“daughter left ankle bends in oddly when skating – harmful?”

“ways to hide muffin top”

“ways to hide huge disgusting muffin top”

“really really easy ways to cook collards get them soft”

“how to avoid being discouraged in general”

“calming color schemes for bedrooms to help sleep”

“collards not getting soft how to make less chewy”

“why am I obsessing with collards”

“son fights constantly with sister help!”

“son does this thing where rubs knuckles on sister’s head repeatedly won’t stop calls it ‘noogi’”

“what is noogi nuggi nugi noogie is it common among eleven year olds?”

“are skating lessons even necessary for kids”

“psychological effects of not knowing how to skate on child raised in new england”

“how to avoid getting freaked out watching kid with badly bending ankle trying to skate”

“why do I feel so tired all the time”

“odd behavior of son won’t take thick jacket off even on blazing hot day symptom of deep-seated problem? Insecure? Body-conscious? Cold (why?) Secretive? Keeps things hidden in pockets that does not want mom to know?”

“how to tell if depressed”

“how to tell if eleven year old son depressed”

“is eleven old enough to be depressed?”

“why Whole Foods advertises collards on side of brown bag persistently is it a scam collards simply will not get soft don’t taste good tossed out window”
Defenestration-Anu KandikuppaAnu Kandikuppa is an economist and a candidate in the MFA Program for Writers, Warren Wilson College, NC. She has published fiction in the Kartika Review, lives in Boston with her family, and can be found at anukandikuppa.com

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