“Miami Investor Helps Locals in Need,” by H. Lovelyn Bettison

Sep 4th, 2013 | By | Category: Fake Nonfiction, Prose

In the current economy, many have found it necessary to downsize their living situations. Gone are the days of the ten-thousand-square-foot McMansions. Now people build tiny houses, and try to squeeze all of their belongings into cramped studio apartments.

Daniel Cooper of Miami, Florida recognized this trend early and found a way to take advantage of it. “My buddy Tony was recently down on his luck,” Cooper explains, “He lost his job, his wife, and his house all in the space of a month. Things were getting really rough for him and I couldn’t just stand by and watch without offering to help.”

That’s when Cooper decided to rent out space in his six-thousand-square-foot home to his friend. “I’m a single guy. I don’t need all this space. It’s the least I could do, right?” Cooper says putting his arm around the shoulder of his friend and new tenant, Tony Ross.

Ross is grateful for the help. The five by five walk-in closet that he now calls home provides a perfectly adequate space for someone to sleep in the fetal position. “It’s tight and has no windows, but at $500 a month it’s a steal in this town,” Ross explains as he reluctantly shows us his new accommodations.

The space is small with only enough room for a sleeping bag, a folding chair that doubles as a table, and a suitcase. Ross, who had to sell most of his belongings just to get by, says that what he does still have is enough.

Cooper is well-known on the Miami social scene and originally bought this beachfront property in 2005 as a place to entertain. “I like to have parties, and when we really get going we use all the rooms in this place. Plus, I have guests staying over several times a year. There are four extra bedrooms and each room has a walk-in-closet like this,” Cooper says. “Who uses a walk-in closet when they’re spending the night somewhere? Nobody, that’s who. So I figure I’ve got a bunch of unused space in this house that I could be making the most of.”

Cooper doesn’t really need the extra cash, but he says that making his tenants pay for these luxurious accommodations helps build self-esteem. He is currently seeking renters for the three other walk-in closets in his home. He would prefer single tenants, but says he’s willing to consider families with up to five members.


Defenestration-H. Lovelyn BettisonH. Lovelyn Bettison, author of the novel Flying Lessons, spends most of her days thinking about nothing in particular and taking her temperature. On the rare occasions when she’s able to pull herself away from the thermometer, she writes about the funnier side of life on her blog, Nebulous Mooch, and occasionally pens a novel.

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