“Hot Girl Seeking Cool Nerd,” by Laura Davy

Jan 4th, 2012 | By | Category: Fake Nonfiction, Prose

In response to RedShirt69, I’m a hot girl and I love nerds.

You say you’re into video games, I say, “Wow, I totally love them too!” If you’re into fantasy novels, that just shows we have a magical spark. Who doesn’t like role playing games?

I’m the ideal girlfriend for a nerd. I always watch SyFy original movies! Well, as long as I’m not busy that night. And there’s nothing better on TV. And I’ve had two or three glasses of wine.

I even watched half an episode of that little-known television show Firefly. Although I don’t see what the big deal is. So you shouldn’t be into that. It just seemed like it was a cowboy version of Star Wars or something. Though that guy in the brown coat was cute. But I do like Star Trek. I must have watched William Shatner fight that lizard monster at least ten times. On YouTube.

I’m even into comics! I’ve seen the Batman movies and they’re so great. Heath Ledger was so amazing! But my future boyfriend shouldn’t actually buy any comics. I mean, there’s only a finite space in an apartment.

We could go to Comic-Con together! It would be a lot of fun to go to the panels for the big blockbuster movies and gawk at the stars. I might even wear a slave Leia costume. Like a really sexy one. And you could go as Han Solo. But you shouldn’t dress up as anything else. That would be totally embarrassing.

I think glasses are sexy. I even own a pair of fake glasses. I love wearing them when I’m wearing my “I heart Geeks” shirt.  The word “heart” isn’t spelled out, instead it’s the shape of a heart with a pair of glasses inside the shape. OMG, it’s so funny! And it totally shows my love of nerds! Plus it looks really good on me.

As for a guy, I just want an attractive face and a nice smile. With glasses, of course! And naturally you have to be in good shape. You should definitely play at least one sport. I’ve always been partial to guys who play rugby. Though if you play soccer that’s cool too.

Nerds aren’t nerds without a little bit of social awkwardness. I love the idea of my man covering up a flub with a Simpsons quote. However, you should usually know just what to say. It would be horrible if I was showing you off to my girlfriends and you like, didn’t know how to act and were all embarrassing. Fantastic social skills are a must! You also shouldn’t use more than one pop culture quote a day.

My last boyfriend was the biggest dork! We met when I was studying abroad in England. While we were dating he watched an entire season of Doctor Who on DVD in just a few weeks!  And he had glasses. You see? I love nerds!

Even though you’re working out or playing a sport once a day, I expect you’ll take the time to be expertly groomed. You should have great taste in clothing and understand the difference between a $10 and $80 hair cut. I mean, I take care of myself so you should too! ;-)

Since I’m in a sorority it would be nice if you were in a fraternity. Then we can go to parties together and I know you love dancing because I love clubbing. I know of this really hot nightclub that has a sci-fi theme where the bartenders make green drinks. But it’s really exclusive. Only the best looking people can get in. It’s so awesome!

Also I don’t think you should really use a computer outside of work. Twitter, Facebook and Email are okay, but come on, you can check that on your phone! And I don’t like the idea of you playing video games.  If we’re staying in for the night we can order a pizza, watch an episode of American Idol and totally geek out.

Though my one turn-off is a guy that’s too fanatical. You know? Like a guy that’s just completely obsessed with a subject. I obviously want you to have passions! But, just don’t get too into a subject. Unless it’s me! ;-)

So whenever I hear that stereotype that nerds can’t get a girlfriend I think to myself, why not, I’m right here!


Laura Davy lives in California and is a Senior Editor for a travel website. She has been published in Every Day Fiction. When she’s not writing she’s looking for neighborhood cats to pet. She sincerely hopes that’s not creepy.

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