“The Names (Altered, for Anonymity) and Most Recent Statuses of the Seven People I’m About to Unfriend on Facebook,” by Simon Jacobs

Oct 5th, 2011 | By | Category: Fake Nonfiction, Prose

[Brandon Francis Morill]: Need a good gamer tag for mah Xbox.

[Adam Moorstein]: is determined to become a job-hunting, history book-reading, music-listening, exercising, tea/coffee-drinking, paper-writing, gratitude-giving, “you’ve got to be kidding me” moment-scoffing, parallel structure-stretching, and productivity-increasing machine. This whole distractibility thing might get in the way, but fortunately, if there’s one thing that can help stimulate most or all of these activities, it’s getting out of the house. :-)

[Michael Hobbs]: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/G​eneral_tsao%27s_chicken

[Mohmd Abo Karim]: الأبراج اليومية برج الاسد

[Josh Appelbaum]: This kind of energy and action, I think, could really be the beginning of something positive. What exactly, it’s hard to say, but peaceful dissent and frustration with the status quo are two basic elements needed for anything substantial to change, so…

[Kathryn Cowell]: tips on constructing the perfect dementor costume?

[Alexis Riordan]: “Understand that friends come and go, but there are the precious few you should hold on to.” :)


Simon Jacobs continues to attend an aggravatingly small college in the Middle West. His work has previously appeared on Thought Catalog and Monkeybicycle, and is forthcoming in Do Hookers Kiss? He also edits the Safety Pin Review, a new medium for fiction under 30 words. His blog of artistic pursuits, fitfully maintained, resides at emoboysandgirls.tumblr.com.

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