“Long Married Date Night Menu From Vito’s Pizzeria Restaurant Owned and Operated By the Illiano Brothers Who Are Having More Sex With Their Wives Than You Could Possibly Imagine,” by Elizabeth Bastos

Mar 10th, 2010 | By | Category: Fake Nonfiction, Prose



Steak Subs dripping with juice

Hand tossed salad

Juicy Imported Tomatoes come on the “Caprese”

Hot, Wide-Open Zucchini Blossoms, deep-fried

Spicy calamaris served

Italian Party Trays with Advanced Notice

Special Delivery After 5 PM, in certain areas (see list)

Sicilian 14-inch Famous, Thick

Square Pizza

For a special treat: meatballs that Melt in Your Mouth

Large Orders Upon Request

Vito’s Special (pepperoni, mush., saus., gr.pepper, onion, freaky conjugal lust)

Shrimp Scampi served on a bed of your choice

Choose between linguine, fettuccini, macaroni, penne, or vibrating ribbed ziti

Soft Gnocchi comes Cacciatore “Hunter Style”

or Fra Diavolo “Devil Style”

Our chef’s specialty is the fragrant white clam

For dessert our grapes’ purple heads are dabbed with mascarpone

Variety of cannolis filled

For snifters, there is a liquor menu

Limoncello, Sambuca too

Gratuity included

Extra toppings are available, speak to your server


Elizabeth Bastos used to work in corporate and foundation relations, but now she has two children and writes humor and poetry in the Baltimore suburbs. She can be found at goodybastos.blogspot.com.

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