encyclopedia douchebag…ica
Do I Look Like Dr. Phil?
I understand that in order to exist in a society of laws and other such nonsense, that I’m not allowed to flat out smack people I don’t feel like dealing with, an inconvenience I just have to live up to. What I will not accept is having to engage in idle chit-chat because people find [...]
You Stink–In A Good Way
Encoded deep within our DNA is the desire to have our genitals meet with those of another that ends in either joy or disappointment. Because of that desire, we tend to put ourselves on display, however, our attempts at mimicking mating rituals in the wild kingdom come off as forced and desperate. We wear bright [...]
You’re a [Redacted] One, Mr. Grinch
Right about now, you’re smack dab in the middle of the various Christmas holiday cartoons that run rampant until Christmas. It’s a great time to gather the little ones around the warm glow of the television and for a few days of the year, pretend like you’re a normal well-adjusted family, and that dad’s drinking [...]
Junk on the Trunk
The everyday horseless carriage is something many an individual makes use of to live their lives as they trod off to work and perform the duties necessary to keep a house running in tip-top shape. In a perfect world, that’d be all they’d be used for…but it’s not–pretentious jerkbags have decided to use the rear [...]
Dreaming is for Children and Civil Rights Leaders
I’m convinced that any and everything I dream during my night’s slumber serves no real purpose other than to leave me bitter in the morning. Now, I’m certain most folks love to dream, and enjoy traveling to distant lands and connecting with old friends and passed on loved ones and etc., etc., but to me, [...]
Pleading on Bended Knee
On one of the many occasions (in a single workday) that I peruse CNN, I happened to stumble upon a headline that managed to, in the .25 seconds it took for me to read, take me from an unnatural giddiness, to a combination of disgust and an unfathomable sadness. I have just read a bit [...]
Gone Dictatorin’
Currently, I’m toying around with the idea of running for some form of political office, the good kind where you have actual power, not some piddly comptroller. I’d like to say my intentions would be noble and pure as I strive to improve the lives of all of the citizens that turn to me for [...]
When All Else Fails, Resort To Beating
An important thing for children today is establishing their social standing amongst the roving tribes of feral children. Now, in watching various nature programs on NatGeo, this is generally accomplished by overthrowing the Alpha male/female, which is usually determined via some sort of violent altercation which, at minimum, ends with some type of horrible disfigurement. [...]
Douchebag Education Begins at Home – Part 1
In honor of Mother’s Day, I figured it’d be apt to talk about our nation’s fine example of half-assed parenting. I’m certain that because I have yet to breed that I have no room to comment on how others raise their children, and if you think that, you can eat me. I’m not here to [...]
Color Discrimination Gets a Bad Rap
Recently, I decided it was time to purchase a new laptop, nothing too fancy, just a better than average laptop for various nerdy things I’m into. So, I head over to Best Buy’s website to peruse their selection, just to give me an idea of pricing, and to compare specs. Most of them have basic [...]
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